Tag Archives: online dating

You Were Right, SHH. Online Dating Does Suck.

27 Oct

Eamonn is the third member of this site to weigh in on online dating…listen.

Somebody once told me that it was impossible to eat 5 saltines in one minute. I didn’t believe them until I almost asphyxiated on shards of gluten and salt that refused to move past my uvula.   I’ve seen youtube videos of people attempting to eat a spoonful of cinnamon; those people Continue reading

Online Dating Experiment Week 3/The End.

18 Nov

In an attempt to put off cleaning my apartment I’ve decided that it’s time for another update.

“Update” meaning I’m telling you all this:

I QUIT!

What have I learned from this experience? Online dating is for chumps.

How many messages did I receive about my fake facial hair? Countless. And why is every guy that messages me so interested in my obsession with ketchup? Literally, every message I received said something along the lines of, “I love ketchup too!”

Well DUH it’s like one of the best condiments ever!

I’m bowing out a week early. Throwing in the towel. Hanging it up to dry. Retiring. Surrendering. Flying the coop. Throwing it out the window.

In short, I’m over it.

I’ve got enough going on in the real world to keep me interested/occupied. All this website did was fill up my email inbox and make me feel like I’m some hyper-critical asshole who won’t give anyone a chance because I ignore all of them because they ALL do something weird/stupid/wrong.

Which is partly true, but still. I don’t need some website making me feel bad because I happen to have high standards.

Basically I’m too much of a jerk to do online dating. That’s the plain and simple truth. I need to be able to size people up in real life. And nothing drives me more crazy than an incapacity/lack of interest in using the English language properly. Don’t browsers have spell check like, built into them nowadays? Online dating is entirely based on your typing! Why wouldn’t you want to sound intelligent!?

Give me a fricken’ break.

And on top of all that I’m just too damn busy to keep up with it. I can’t be bothered to sit down for fifteen minutes and write a well-thought out message to someone.

Here’s how it works for me: Wait ’til the weekend, meet me at the bar, get drunk with me, we’ll talk, and who knows! Maybe sparks will fly, maybe they won’t. Either way, it’s better than trying to figure someone’s first impression out through a computer screen.

Online Dating Experiment Week 2

7 Nov

I was going to clean my apartment, then I realized it’s week two!
If you missed it, check out Week 1 here.

Okay. So nothing crazy has happened yet. Just annoying more than anything else.

All of the people that were messaging me from my first post have been cut off. The last one I referenced? The arrogant one that I knew kinda sucked? Well he used “lol” at the end of one of his messages. Maybe I’m just being harsh, but I’m sorry, I’m not sorry. If you are above the age of 15 and are a fully functioning adult, you should not be using “lol” (or “rofl”, or “omg”, you get my point).

I went on to tell him I was in grad school, at which point I realized he probably had not even looked at my profile even once, because he asked if my studio was for “audio or live work”. I understand ”studio” can have a variety of meanings, but the first two words on my profile are Printmaker/artist. In that order. Not once is music even mentioned unless I’m dropping a few names of bands that I like! And then he spent an entire paragraph telling me about his grad experience and how he is working all these crazy jobs now. Sorry, not interested. If I was I would have asked, but you didn’t give me the chance to.

A few have commented on my profile picture, the one of me with the fake mustache. Most just say, “Nice mustache.” To which I have nothing to say. But one brave soul even got a little crude with me and sent me a message that solely read, “Can I get a mustache ride?”

I was tempted to reply only because of his gall,  but then realized he wasn’t even being crude and witty, he just was being stupid and thus showed me that his personality and sense of humor probably match that of a 17 year-old and he is thus unworthy of my potential retort.

I’ve had a few messages from simply nice dudes that I find just plain uninteresting. Again, I guess I’m just a jerk, but there’s nothing here to keep me interested.

My interest was piqued however, when I got a message from a New Paltz local. It was well-written, even mildly entertaining, then I realized it was the owner of Slashroot…sorry “/root” and he was chastising me on my improper use of the “/” key. Not only is this man kind of renknowned for being crazy, but I just can’t get down on this place for reasons I won’t get into on a public forum such as this website.
Consider him ignored.

Then TODAY, I got a message from a guy that is actually in the Printmaking department. My greatest fear come true. He just said hi, made his presence known, but god damnit, now what do I do? Do I explain myself as some jerk doing this in the name of mildly entertaining pieces of writing at my victim’s expense? Do I ignore him? Do I just say hi back?

Jesus.

In the end I told him I was doing an “experiment”, then I realized how lame that sounded and now he probably just thinks I was lying and am a total fool.

So in the end, nothing all that new or surprising. My friends keep telling me that I have to go on a date, that I have to message someone. The truth is, I would if I cared about meeting any of these people! It’s not my fault they’re all genuinely uninteresting! And like I said before, it’s really hard for me to even be mildly intruiged by someone unless I’ve met them at least once.

And to be honest, I’ve been having more “luck” (whatever that means)  in bars as of lately than I have on this damn website.

So, I’m stating as of right now, week 2, that online dating is useless.

I will stick out these next two weeks, maybe something or someone will surprise me, but I doubt it. I’m better off walking into Snugs and getting buzzed and having more intelligent conversations there than I’m having on this website.

And for the record, dudes. Don’t overdo it on the emoticons, alright? One “: P” is fine every now and then, it helps with the tone of your typing, but at the end of every sentence? Come on. This isn’t AIM and we aren’t in 8th grade.

Online Dating Experiment: Week 1

1 Nov

Much to my own chagrin, we are into our first week of Marena’s-going-to-write-about-online-dating-from-a-female-perspective experiment.

The results? Well, for one thing, they’re unsurprising.

Before we get into it, I suppose you should check out my profile. I tried to keep it as honest as possible, but considering the circumstances under which I’m doing this, I couldn’t help but be a bit of an idiot in my descriptions.

So there’s this thing where you answer ”match questions”, which I guess helps determine compatibility. However, it also makes this fun little chart for you. Here’s mine:

Nice right? And for the record, I wouldn’t go out with someone only if they were paying. It’s yes or no with this chick. They picked really random questions that I answered to make this. I would have rather seen a flowchart with the questions I answered about sex or politics, but here we are. Cats, jealousy, and booze.

…maybe it is fitting/accurate.

These questions are a bit weird sometimes. Not to mention a little vague. One asked “Are you more lonely or horny?”
Well if I’m horny it’s probably because I haven’t gotten any, which would imply at least a little loneliness, no?
Granted, I’m usually horny regardless of how my lonely-levels are.
Have I mentioned how much I hate the word “horny”?

Anyway, I’ve started getting these emails from the website telling me that people have ”chosen” me, which includes a little blurb saying that I’ve been rated with four stars or higher?
Um? You’re rating me? On what? I won’t get into the issues I have with this system, just know that I think it’s absurd.

Now, messages. So far I’ve gotten three. One of which simply said, “How are you?”
I didn’t respond. Polite? Yes. Interesting? No.
You have my whole profile page at your disposal. PICK something and write to me about it for the love of God! Isn’t that the point of this thing? That you have a chance to sit and think about something good to say?
Ugh.

The second asked if I like “gotees” (goatees) and spelled ketchup “katchup”. He also refuses to spell the entire word “you”. I told him I think goatees are completely untrustworthy. Here’s his response:
“OK. So u like clean shaven guys, that’s good u have a preference. I I would shave my little hair thing like my photo but it’s my character thing. I’m trust worthy, just never get what’s deserved back to me. I’m the nice guy that everyone likes, just as friends. I don’t get chances to prove I’m wonderful”

Cut off.
First off, it clearly says on my page, NUMEROUS times, that I have an affinity for beards. Second, if I told you I didn’t trust goatees, why would you then say it’s a part of your “character thing”. THIRD, don’t try to justify yourself to me already. That just makes me want to talk to you less. And fourth! Did you even GO to your high school English classes?

The third message was actually mildly interesting and well-written, but he seems to be falling under the ”write everything about everthing so that it seems like you’re the ideal guy” category. Apparently he loves to do just about everything (”spending the night at home with my family, preparing dinner and having fun” blah), but also thinks extremely highly of himself and based on how he answered some questions, may not be that nice to women.

I can’t do arrogance, but I’m playing the game and talking to him anyway.

I should also mention that none of these men are what I’d consider physically attractive.

OKcupid has this weird feature where you can see who’s visited your profile. You can turn it off but then you can’t see your visitors anymore. This feature makes me hesitant to even look at anyone’s profile, I think I’ve viewed six since I started my account. I however, like seeing who’s viewed mine, the demographic is well…interesting. After answering a buttload of match questions, I’m pretty sure I weeded out about every single local male on the website, so they’ve resorted to matching me with women as well.

I can’t help it if I’m picky.

So far I’ve found that most pictures are fair representations of the guys who post them. Again I haven’t looked at a lot, but even the profile pictures seem to be normal enough. What I have found though, as I mentioned about the third message guy, is that these dudes are just all too eager to be nice or desirable! I’ve traveled here, I enjoy good wine, I think people are unique and interesting and I want to meet you ALL!
Shutthefuckup.

One profile even says, “I’m really good at tossing together a good somethingorother at the last minute.”

…?

I’m trying to get over the attitude I have with this whole experience, but it’s hard when I know why I’m doing it. This also makes me hesitant to initiate contact with anyone. I know I have no intentions of getting anywhere as far as dates go, so I feel like I’m just being a misleading jerk if I try to talk to someone.
Luckily, the only person I’ve seen on here that I know is one of my students from my Silkscreen class. I called him out on it and asked why he put his body type as muscular when he weighs about 120 pounds (skinny little hipster kid, his thigh is about the size of my bicep) and can’t pull a good print to save his life, which any jacked man would be capable of.
So that is a plus, I haven’t had to deal with the fear of impending awkwardness of seeing someone from the site out at Snugs. Yet.

Some of my friends have told me that I really should go on at least one date to get the full experience. Given my experiences so far, I think it’s safe to say that won’t happen. Not because I refuse, but because no one who I would want to even think about going on a date with has been presented to me.
Either way, we will carry on for another three weeks.

A (Potential) Female Hipster’s Guide to Online Dating

26 Oct

So with Evan’s post as a catalyst, it was suggested that I, as a female who has never done this, should do an experiment with online dating to see how women are approached/treated/etc.

The first thing I foresaw was some stupid Matthew McConaughey movie situation where the sassy female lead is doing a study to screw with dudes and suddenly she falls in love with one of her victims. Yes I’ve seen How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days more times than I’d like to admit, but Continue reading

A Hipster’s Guide to Online Dating or Why Online Dating Blows

24 Oct

I am writing this because a friend expressed to me that he wished there was a Consumer Report for dating websites.  I’ll do the best that I can since I’ve had some experience with a few sites and know others that have traded notes with me.

Online dating is becoming more and more popular in modern day culture for those people that are emotionally available, but don’t really have a venue for meeting people outside of friends, friends of friends, or the bars.  I finally relented and started a match.com profile about two years ago when I recognized that I am awful with meeting/talking to women.  This is three years after my friend Slippy created an eHarmony account for me one day when I was at class in college after whining too much; I was listed as an alcoholic hang-glider that was obsessed with “The Jungle Book”….and I deserved it. Continue reading