Online Dating Experiment: Week 1

Much to my own chagrin, we are into our first week of Marena’s-going-to-write-about-online-dating-from-a-female-perspective experiment.

The results? Well, for one thing, they’re unsurprising.

Before we get into it, I suppose you should check out my profile. I tried to keep it as honest as possible, but considering the circumstances under which I’m doing this, I couldn’t help but be a bit of an idiot in my descriptions.

So there’s this thing where you answer ”match questions”, which I guess helps determine compatibility. However, it also makes this fun little chart for you. Here’s mine:

Nice right? And for the record, I wouldn’t go out with someone only if they were paying. It’s yes or no with this chick. They picked really random questions that I answered to make this. I would have rather seen a flowchart with the questions I answered about sex or politics, but here we are. Cats, jealousy, and booze.

…maybe it is fitting/accurate.

These questions are a bit weird sometimes. Not to mention a little vague. One asked “Are you more lonely or horny?”
Well if I’m horny it’s probably because I haven’t gotten any, which would imply at least a little loneliness, no?
Granted, I’m usually horny regardless of how my lonely-levels are.
Have I mentioned how much I hate the word “horny”?

Anyway, I’ve started getting these emails from the website telling me that people have ”chosen” me, which includes a little blurb saying that I’ve been rated with four stars or higher?
Um? You’re rating me? On what? I won’t get into the issues I have with this system, just know that I think it’s absurd.

Now, messages. So far I’ve gotten three. One of which simply said, “How are you?”
I didn’t respond. Polite? Yes. Interesting? No.
You have my whole profile page at your disposal. PICK something and write to me about it for the love of God! Isn’t that the point of this thing? That you have a chance to sit and think about something good to say?
Ugh.

The second asked if I like “gotees” (goatees) and spelled ketchup “katchup”. He also refuses to spell the entire word “you”. I told him I think goatees are completely untrustworthy. Here’s his response:
“OK. So u like clean shaven guys, that’s good u have a preference. I I would shave my little hair thing like my photo but it’s my character thing. I’m trust worthy, just never get what’s deserved back to me. I’m the nice guy that everyone likes, just as friends. I don’t get chances to prove I’m wonderful”

Cut off.
First off, it clearly says on my page, NUMEROUS times, that I have an affinity for beards. Second, if I told you I didn’t trust goatees, why would you then say it’s a part of your “character thing”. THIRD, don’t try to justify yourself to me already. That just makes me want to talk to you less. And fourth! Did you even GO to your high school English classes?

The third message was actually mildly interesting and well-written, but he seems to be falling under the ”write everything about everthing so that it seems like you’re the ideal guy” category. Apparently he loves to do just about everything (”spending the night at home with my family, preparing dinner and having fun” blah), but also thinks extremely highly of himself and based on how he answered some questions, may not be that nice to women.

I can’t do arrogance, but I’m playing the game and talking to him anyway.

I should also mention that none of these men are what I’d consider physically attractive.

OKcupid has this weird feature where you can see who’s visited your profile. You can turn it off but then you can’t see your visitors anymore. This feature makes me hesitant to even look at anyone’s profile, I think I’ve viewed six since I started my account. I however, like seeing who’s viewed mine, the demographic is well…interesting. After answering a buttload of match questions, I’m pretty sure I weeded out about every single local male on the website, so they’ve resorted to matching me with women as well.

I can’t help it if I’m picky.

So far I’ve found that most pictures are fair representations of the guys who post them. Again I haven’t looked at a lot, but even the profile pictures seem to be normal enough. What I have found though, as I mentioned about the third message guy, is that these dudes are just all too eager to be nice or desirable! I’ve traveled here, I enjoy good wine, I think people are unique and interesting and I want to meet you ALL!
Shutthefuckup.

One profile even says, “I’m really good at tossing together a good somethingorother at the last minute.”

…?

I’m trying to get over the attitude I have with this whole experience, but it’s hard when I know why I’m doing it. This also makes me hesitant to initiate contact with anyone. I know I have no intentions of getting anywhere as far as dates go, so I feel like I’m just being a misleading jerk if I try to talk to someone.
Luckily, the only person I’ve seen on here that I know is one of my students from my Silkscreen class. I called him out on it and asked why he put his body type as muscular when he weighs about 120 pounds (skinny little hipster kid, his thigh is about the size of my bicep) and can’t pull a good print to save his life, which any jacked man would be capable of.
So that is a plus, I haven’t had to deal with the fear of impending awkwardness of seeing someone from the site out at Snugs. Yet.

Some of my friends have told me that I really should go on at least one date to get the full experience. Given my experiences so far, I think it’s safe to say that won’t happen. Not because I refuse, but because no one who I would want to even think about going on a date with has been presented to me.
Either way, we will carry on for another three weeks.

Tags: online dating