You Were Right, SHH. Online Dating Does Suck.

Eamonn is the third member of this site to weigh in on online dating…listen.

Somebody once told me that it was impossible to eat 5 saltines in one minute. I didn’t believe them until I almost asphyxiated on shards of gluten and salt that refused to move past my uvula. I’ve seen youtube videos of people attempting to eat a spoonful of cinnamon; those people are chumps, I can totally do that. Some people have said online dating sucks (see here or here). I didn’t believe them either. Then I tried online dating; it sucks.

I have a limited amount of time, money and access to social gatherings. The reality is that I am not in college anymore and no longer surrounded by vast amounts of irresponsible young people with time on their hands. I basically go to work and go home. Much of my free time is spent studying for one of the seven architectural registrations exams I am forced to pass before I can earn my license. The combination of these factors and the desire to share some of my time with an interesting and attractive woman made online dating appealing to me. I suppose if things had been going well I would not be writing this article, so it may not need to be mentioned, but so far my online dating experience has been discouraging. I feel caught between what I see as two options: being authentic or formulaic.

Until now I have spent large amounts of time writing unique messages (I would also like think they are funny, charming, and witty . . . but maybe not) to women whom I have found interesting, but with little success. Part of the problem is that I may be coming off as strange and maybe even a little creepy. Most of the time my messages take inspiration from something in the woman’s profile, but sometimes it is only tangentially related and mostly they involve something I find amusing. It is my opinion that if I’m going to take a substantial amount of time crafting a message, I want to at least enjoy the experience, especially if there is a statistically slim chance that I’m going to get a response.

So, the first potential problem is my unconventional and perhaps strange messages. The second potential problem is my profile. I re-read it recently and I talk a lot about Star Trek and other science fiction topics. I also admitted that I don’t read [books], which could potentially brand me as both a nerd and a dumbass. Understanding these problems, I am faced with a choice. Should I continue to write messages with the goal of producing something entertaining with the hope that SHE might find it entertaining as well? Should I change my profile to make myself seem less like a trekkie and pretend that I fall asleep with a book on my chest? If achieving success in the traditional way was my goal than these are valid questions, but I do not want to achieve success in this way. Professionally I am trapped within a traditional system of clear requirements and techniques towards achieving success (i.e. academic degrees, registration exams, etc.); I do not want my personal life to be so structured.

I believe it would be very easy for me to craft a successful message template based on minimal amounts of internet research that I could use to greater effect than my custom and personalized message strategy. I believe I could sincerely tweak my profile to highlight the most attractive aspects of my personality and mute the most unattractive. I believe I could drastically change my online dating strategy and ultimately be much more successful. I believe these things to be true and I could be COMPLETELY wrong.

However, none of that matters because the point is: I am not going to change anything. I like Star Trek, I don’t read, l enjoy writing about the amusing scenarios I imagine, AND I AM going to eat an entire spoonful of cinnamon! . . . Please, ladies, not all at once.