In an attempt to put off cleaning my apartment I’ve decided that it’s time for another update.
“Update” meaning I’m telling you all this:
I QUIT!
What have I learned from this experience? Online dating is for chumps.
How many messages did I receive about my fake facial hair? Countless. And why is every guy that messages me so interested in my obsession with ketchup? Literally, every message I received said something along the lines of, “I love ketchup too!”
Well DUH it’s like one of the best condiments ever!
I’m bowing out a week early. Throwing in the towel. Hanging it up to dry. Retiring. Surrendering. Flying the coop. Throwing it out the window.
In short, I’m over it.
I’ve got enough going on in the real world to keep me interested/occupied. All this website did was fill up my email inbox and make me feel like I’m some hyper-critical asshole who won’t give anyone a chance because I ignore all of them because they ALL do something weird/stupid/wrong.
Which is partly true, but still. I don’t need some website making me feel bad because I happen to have high standards.
Basically I’m too much of a jerk to do online dating. That’s the plain and simple truth. I need to be able to size people up in real life. And nothing drives me more crazy than an incapacity/lack of interest in using the English language properly. Don’t browsers have spell check like, built into them nowadays? Online dating is entirely based on your typing! Why wouldn’t you want to sound intelligent!?
Give me a fricken’ break.
And on top of all that I’m just too damn busy to keep up with it. I can’t be bothered to sit down for fifteen minutes and write a well-thought out message to someone.
Here’s how it works for me: Wait ’til the weekend, meet me at the bar, get drunk with me, we’ll talk, and who knows! Maybe sparks will fly, maybe they won’t. Either way, it’s better than trying to figure someone’s first impression out through a computer screen.
the self-hating hipster 
I told you it blew. But, you like ketchup? Fo serious?