PETA vs. Nintendo

20 Nov

This is just as ridiculous as it sounds.  There is a pending lawsuit between People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and Nintendo regarding the Tanooki suit in the new Super Mario Bros. 3D game for Nintendo 3DS.  No lie…I saw it on a few days ago.

For those who don’t know, the Tanooki suit was introduced in Super Mario Bros. 3 for NES.  You may recall getting a red feather and then sprouting a pair of ears and a raccoon tail and suddenly you were able to fly and tail swipe.

The full Tanooki suit is all the way to the right.  Nintendo being Nintendo tried to incorporate some nostalgic elements (as they have been doing in the past few years’ releases) for their new game for the 3DS: Super Mario 3D Land.

PETA was outraged by the Tanooki suit reintroduced in the new game stating that it was getting children comfortable with the idea of wearing animal skins.  Are you frigging serious?  It’s a godddam Japanese take on an Italian-American plumber who can gain the power to fly when he touches a red leaf!  It’s Mario Mario, not Buffalo Bill: “Tanooki puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!”

PETA referenced the trapping/killing of tanuki, or raccoon dogs indigenous to China and Japan, for their pelts.  I am an animal lover, and that is legitimately sad, but this is a total stretch.  And there is one tanuki that I’d be totally cool with if Mario iced him.  If you’ve ever played Animal Crossing, you should know who I’m talking about:

Tom Nook.  If Mario wanted to murder that avaricious bastard, I’d look the other way.

PETA even went as far as to create a minigame where the skinned raccoon hunts Mario down.  That is terrifying!  I hope there’s a countersuit.

When I first heard that there was a lawsuit pending against Nintendo for the Tanooki suit, I figured it would be because parents were afraid that their children were going to grow up to be Furries, not pelt mongers!

Seriously…what’s next?

Why doesn’t chef, Peter Pepper, offer a vegetarian option at his burger joint?  And how does he make his burgers so cheap?  Did I hear a “moo” in the kitchen??

A long-hauler is about to lose his CDL for vehicular frog-slaughter.  Or maybe not.  PETA didn’t seem to give a shit about Mario’s frog suit.

“I chose you Pikachu.  Now get back in your fuckin’ Pokeball unless you want me to use Double-Slap; it’s super effective against insolent rodents.”

Frankly, I’m surprised that PETA targeted Super Mario for unethical treatment of animals.  It’s a good thing that there isn’t a People for the Ethical Treatment of Dinosaurs.

I chose this picture for its sheer ridiculousness.  I don’t see a saddle.  Was Yoshi willing to have a plumber ride him?  Also, why does Mario punch Yoshi in the back of the head in Super Mario World for him to extend his tongue?  Why not ask nicely?

There are so many other games that could have been referenced for unethical treatment of animals.  How about hunting games for a start?

Everybody remembers Duck Hunt.  Pretty innocuous.  It may get kids excited to hunt ducks, but they’ll be pretty disappointed when they realize that they can’t walk up to the ducks and shoot them point blank like they did on the television screen.

Here’s a snippet from Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 2012.  At least the deer has been “alerted.”  Did it received a text from a friend?  “Yo, watch out, sen!”  What’s the matter, PETA, tired of chasing the NRA?

Or the classic: Oregon Trail.  If you were lucky enough to get out of town without your entire party dying of cholera, the first thing you did was shoot animals.  At least the purpose of hunting was for your party’s health; however, I remember a number of times, particularly in Oregon Trail II, the message after the hunt reading: “Congratulati0ns!  You shot 12,357 lbs. of meat.  You were able to carry 65 lbs. back to your wagon.”

There were the attack dogs that you shot up in Modern Warfare: World at War…

but they were nazis.

If there was ever a total video game asshole to reference for the unethical treatment of animals, it would be this man:

Dr. Robotnik.  Apparently he’s a professional curler?  This jerkoff used to pile baby squirrels, penguins, bunnies, you name it, in metal capsules for seemingly no reason in Sonic the Hedgehog.  Sonic would have to race through a level in order to free his woodland friends.

If anything, creator of both the Super Mario Bros. and the Zelda series, Shiguru Miyamoto, should be commended for his treatment of animals.  Starting in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Link would get the shit beaten out of him if he tried to fuck with the Cuccoos (Hyrulean chicken).

Link Gettin’ Lit Up By Cuccoos

PETA should stop embarrassing themselves.  First it was launching a soft-core porn site to help raise awareness about their cause (and whore their cause), and now they’re suing a video game company without a logical argument.  Hire a PR department.  Until I see something along these lines (below), I don’t want to see Nintendo or anybody else bothered again over this bullshit.

4 Responses to “PETA vs. Nintendo”

  1. Andee November 21, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    I can’t read this without guilty conscience. Dear PETA, I give my cat Double A Spine Busters like it’s my job.

  2. marenamitchell November 22, 2011 at 3:47 am #

    PETA also banks on poor body image to convert people to veganism. Literally one of their fliers used to, maybe still does, read that Alicia Silverstone lost 15 pounds when she gave up animal products…that’s one of their selling points.
    I’m all for people not buying fur and/or not supporting the industry, but jesus! Since when is a fictional depiction of an Italian plumber sprouting cute little ears offensive? And why wasn’t it brought up when the original game was released?

    Maybe PETA should launch an assault on Anne Geddes, she’s far more offensive than Mario.

  3. peta still sucks October 25, 2013 at 2:51 pm #

    People Eating Tasty Animals: Uncompassionate losers for animals since 1980


  1. Mario Kart 7 « the self-hating hipster - December 19, 2011

    […] Lakitu tail which swats away enemies and caused all the controversy a few weeks ago (see my article PETA vs. Nintendo) and the 7 (shown above).  The 7 is interesting because it gives you two of the most useful items […]

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