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Alternative NFL Awards 2011

4 Jan

The NFL closed the door on its regular season this past Sunday, with the New York Giants defeating the Dallas Cowboys on national television to secure the last available playoff spot.  It was a wild season that saw the revival of football in places like Cincinnati and Detroit.  We saw the meteoric rise and inevitable unraveling of Tim Tebow in a span of eight games.  Carson Palmer is on the Raiders now.  Santonio Holmes hates Mark Sanchez.  Ndamukong Suh decided to Nstomp a guy on Thanksgiving.  The Packers almost went unbeaten, and the Colts almost lost them all.  (Not to mention both streaks ended the same week.) This was the first full season without either Terrell Owens or Randy Moss since 1995. What the hell is going on?  Instead of giving awards based on the normal guard (MVP, Rookie of the Year, Coach of the Year, etc) I am going to make some of my own up, and award them as I see fit.   I would like to also accept all of these awards on behalf of whoever I decide to give them to.  Thank you so much, me.

Most Times Responsible for a Play Ending in My Audible Laughter – Mark Sanchez, QB (NYJ)

Let me be the first to tell you, I do not like the Jets.  I would never allow that to cloud my journalistic integrity though, and simply want to let you know I find the way Sanchez plays quarterback hilarious.  It’s like he’s blindfolded, or at least not wearing his contacts.  He throws a football like how Jackson Pollack threw paint, which is to say completely reckless.  He is on the cutting edge Continue reading →

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ON NOTICE! Brewery Edition

3 Jan

Hello and welcome to the inaugural edition of ON NOTICE!  The idea here is a really bastardized and far more serious version of what Stephen Colbert does on his television program.  We’ll look at people, places, things, organizations, or whatever needs to be documented to let you know who’s peddling bullshit.  This week, we’ll look at a few breweries that need to get their act together and quit skating by.  All too often people fall into traps with some blind devotion to a brewery that really just wants to get as much of your money as possible.  I’ve mentioned a few of these companies before, and not in a particularly flattering light.  While this isn’t intended necessarily to accomplish anything, perhaps I can help you make more informed choices for your beer purchasing dollar.  We’ll get right down to it and work our way from five to the number one.

5.  Fort Collins Brewery – Fort Collins, CO: 

The beer scene in the state of Colorado is one that I’m pretty jealous of.  While their distribution can vary, (No Lagunitas!) a few good friends live out that way and Continue reading →

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Lagunitas Sucks Holiday Ale

29 Dec

Some breweries just get it.  Every distributed brewery has a marketing department of some kind.  Judging by the amount of beer available at any given beverage center (back in Buffalo, they call them party stores) it’s no easy task to make sure you stand out from the crowd.  I mean, I’ll occasionally buy a beer because its label looks cool.  I’m no more oblivious to bright colors and fancy scripts as the next guy.  I’ll buy based on style of beer more than anything, but breweries have to know I’m spending upwards of a half hour looking up and down at the same shelves hoping I’ll notice their brand.  There’s always a different school of thought in how they get you to look their way.   There is the big-swinging-dick approach, where places like Stone Brewery more or less question your manhood by daring you to try one of their beers.  There’s the fancy swirling art motif employed by Continue reading →

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2011 Winter Seasonal Beer Guide

17 Dec

About a month or so ago, I ran down a list of some of my favorite pumpkin beers for the Fall brewing season.  Since that was a lot of fun, I decided that the Winter brews deserve some love too.  Generally, most winter brewed beers are going to be heavier in style, as well as higher in alcohol percentage (for them cold, cold nights).  There are gimmicky beers brewed with all kinds of fruit, champagne beers, spicy winter warmers, and other beers not themed so specifically for Christmas, and will sell late into the season.

Hibernator by Long Trail Brewing Co. (Bridgewater Corners, VT) – We start this list with one of my favorite beers for winter.  I am a completely biased, unabashed devotee to Long Trail for their session beers.  Hibernator is Continue reading →

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Ryan Braun’s Purist Problem

15 Dec

Major League Baseball has a problem that the other three major sports leagues in this country don’t have to worry about.   I’m not talking about steroids or other performance enhancing drugs, (since, let’s be honest, they ALL have that problem.)  You see the NFL, NBA, and NHL have all embraced change and progression as their particular league evolves, as well as when technology allows them to.  The problem baseball has is the nagging, tired idea of the purist; an unorganized group of people who believe that baseball should never change, and that the game is still as good as it was back in them good ‘ole days.  Things such as instant replay on home run calls, or computerized strike zones can never truly get off the ground because of them.  They worry about the “integrity of the game.”  That is a phrase purists use Continue reading →

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Appeal to Basketball Reason

9 Dec

As of 6:30 PM yesterday, Chris Paul was a member of the Los Angeles Lakers.  He was a part of a three team trade involving Pau Gasol going to the Houston Rockets, and Luis Scola, Lamar Odom, Goran Dragic, and Kevin Martin heading to New Orleans.  The Hornets also got a first round draft pick  (formerly belonging to the New York Knicks) in 2012.  It seemed to help every team involved.  The Lakers get the first piece of a grand scheme to net two of the top five players in the league.  Houston needed size up front pretty badly.  The Hornets were looking to go lower in payroll, while at least appearing to want to remain competitive and sell tickets.  The deal on paper actually seems to be the least beneficial to the Lakers, and they get the superstar point guard in this scenario.  The deal was met with a considerable amount of Continue reading →

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The SHH Guide to India Pale Ales

30 Nov

The India Pale Ale, or IPA, is a polarizing style of beer.  To some, it’s a go-to style and is considered great test of a particular brewer’s ability.  To others, it can be an overwhelming and otherwise bitter experience.  Some people Continue reading →

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Ironic Pro Wrestling T-Shirt of the Week Special Editon: Sin Sentido Común

27 Nov

WWE’s signing of Mexican luchador legend Mistico some months back is likely a decision the board of directors would like to have back.  From the moment he arrived, he has really failed to execute any of the exciting moves he was famous for with any degree of consistency.  Him screwing up his entrance on his first night with the company should have come with a pamphlet explaining the concept of foreshadowing.  Of course, WWE would also never allow someone to make a name for themselves using their own name, so the masked wrestler was rebranded “Sin Cara,” or without face.  This is all without mentioning that he’s already been suspended for alleged steroid use, and has recently ruptured his patella tendon while performing, expecting to miss anywhere from six to nine months.  He’s more or less had his way with the company, one could say.  Then, this happened.  

There is his new shirt from WWE.com. Continue reading →

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Hellhound On My Ale

17 Nov

I drove down to New Paltz the other day.  Tiny little hippy town outside of Poughkeepsie, NY.  I have friends that go to college there, and I was somehow lured out of my apartment to go drink out of a keg in a dusty basement.  I mention this, as Evan is a graduate from SUNY New Paltz and Marena is currently attending.  While the traffic was terrible all weekend (Seriously they need more than three roads in that fucking place), and I drank more Red Bull than beer at the aforementioned kegger, I did happen to come across a little gem.  

While getting the keg, I started to mosey around the store to find Dogfish Head Hellhound On My Ale.  The name of the beer is an homage to the legendary blues musician Robert Johnson, who allegedly sold his sold to the devil at the crossroads in exchange for being able to play the guitar.  It was released on what would have been Johnson’s 100th birthday.  The style of beer is an imperial India pale ale, brewed with lemons.  (The lemons are included as a nod to Blind Lemon Jefferson, who influenced Johnson.)  Now, this can go one of two ways.  As with most Dogfish Head offerings, you’re likely to either hate it or love it, and it’s certainly strong.  (My girlfriend tried it and reacted as if a meteor had hit her palate.)  As I read the label, I thought to myself, “I really hope this doesn’t taste like there’s dishwashing detergent in my beer.”  Luckily, the lemon flavor really doesn’t show itself until the finish.  The beer has all the hoppy, citrusy aromas commonly associated with an imperial IPA, but again more lemon than grapefruit.  The beer was meticulously brewed to revolve around the number 100, such as the IBU rating is 100 and the alcohol content is 10.0%.  Having said that, the beer is remarkably drinkable.  As always, imbibe responsibly.  Dogfish Head has become a brewery where I’ve had far more of their seasonals and rarities than I have their year round brews.  If you happen to be out at the store and this catches your eye, you won’t be disappointed.

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Escape from the Zooey

2 Nov

A while back, one of my favorite blogger/columnists Drew Magary wrote something about the seemingly unstoppable force that is Taylor Swift. While it was a humor piece, the message was clear.  Finally someone voiced their frustrations about a young woman who despite her own good intentions, was being forced down the throats of the American public at large, in four minute sugary doses of pre-teen country songs.  It was a refreshing take on a celebrity who more or less got a free pass in public relations because her big moment Continue reading →

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