St. Patrick’s Day: Stereotype Perpetuation and Green Sexism

20 Mar


I know that it’s belated, but I did want to wish you readers a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I don’t have anything against the holiday per se.  I very much enjoy pounding corned beef and cabbage.  I love spending time with family.  My paternal grandmother’s birthday often times fell on St. Patrick’s Day.  BUT, I had the great displeasure of spending this past St. Patrick’s Day weekend in New York City…in Murray Hill of all places.

Fellow hipster Eamonn weighed in last year (I Don’t Like St. Patrick’s Day) on the skewed message and overall annoyance surrounding the holiday, and although he did have James Joyce and Thin Lizzy in the same sentence I cannot say that I disagree with his argument.  The holiday has become a mockery of itself, particularly in areas populated by college students.

Two years ago off-campus students of the State University of New York at Albany were arrested for vandalism and malicious mischief after a kegs and eggs party went awry.  Cars were destroyed, windows smashed, furniture hurled and one police officer was assaulted because a bunch of 21-year-old bros were crushing lite beer and were belligerently drunk and aggressive by the morning!

The holiday is intended to celebrate Irish heritage, not getting shit-faced in green and acting like shmucks.  Sure, there is a part of me that acknowledges that I’ll never be able to separate the words “Irish” from “whiskey,” but I by no means want to perpetuate a myth that all Irish people are drunks.  The holiday has become a vile cartoon.

Back to Murray Hill.  Murray Hill is the “college town” of Manhattan.  In the late 90s the Midtown neighborhood received a mass exodus of college students.  The population today is still young.  And they love to party.  There are a slew of shitty bars to party in.  Murray Hill is essentially an 8-block radius populated by those kids that you hated in college: sorority girls 4-ever, guys who think that gym shorts are to be worn year-round, too short skirts, fauxhawkers and backward cappers.  My girlfriend lives there too.

We both knew that the Saturday before St. Patrick’s day, the day of the parade, was going to be a shit-show.  Our initial plan was to stay inside all day and pretend that there was a zombie apocalypse going on outside.  Then my girlfriend got a text from a friend whom she hadn’t seen in two years asking if we’d like to meet up for lunch.  We accepted the invitation and met her friend and her boyfriend in Times Square.  The restaurant was so crowded with early afternoon drunks that we were forced to sit on bar stools drinking water behind the couple who ate at the bar.  At one point a girl next to us who donned a plastic green hat and was clearly sloshed screeched “Christa, come do a fuckin’ shot with me!” and flung herself around.  She looked at me and slurred “You’re not Christa!”

“No,” I said.  She looked to my girlfriend.

“You’re not Christa!”  My girlfriend looked at her quizzically.  The girl ran off to find Christa.  It was 1pm.

We left the couple who were off to see a Broadway show around 2 and started walking toward our proper lunch destination.  En route we passed huge groups of under-dressed girls who squawked obnoxiously about things that only they could care about and packs of bros who cackled, shouted threats, blew smoke from barely lit cigarettes and did their best to suppress puking with turtle swallows.  What totally blew me away was how crude some of the shirts that the guys wore were.  It was like Spencer’s Gifts on steroids in green.  I consider my sense of humor to be somewhat dirty, but some of the insensitive and/or completely sexist quips on these shirts had me baffled, particularly if said bro’s modus operandi was to get laid!

There is the classic “Kiss Me I’m Irish” tee that is as innocuous as the “Kiss the Chef” apron.  I only saw two of these this year…

Kiss Me, I'm IrishI guarantee that I can outdrink anybody who has bought this next shirt, and although the phrase “One Beer Queer” isn’t PC, it angers me more that I have gay friends who could outdrink and likely beat the everloving shit out of anybody that has bought this shirt.

One Beer Queer

This next shirt is just strange and I would guess that 1% of the parties that decided to pull this stupid, green piece of shit over their head actually went home with somebody that wasn’t their misguided girlfriend.  That means that 99% of the parties went home with green-balls.  It might as well say “Irish and Lonely.”

Irish and Horny

This is just wholly inappropriate.  I could only see this being funny if a girl were wearing it.

I Want to Be Inside YouI saw this tee (in green) and had to laugh at how pathetic the guy who was wearing it looked.  Imagine a pudgy Napolean that was pledging for a fraternity.  As a nation there has been an initiative to “go green” (no pun intended) but I guarantee that this little fellow doesn’t have a carbon footprint because you can’t recycle when you’ve never had anything to recycle.

I Recycle Drunk Girls

This is so filthy that I can’t believe it was even printed.  Please notice the font choice for the second word.  The shirt is not remotely humorous.  It’s revolting.  Why not wear a green shirt that says “Just so you know…I had a lot of asparagus.” instead?

I Cum Green TodayLike cabbage and carrots I boiled the message down and decided that I would make pins and/or stickers to be worn on pants for next St. Patrick’s Day.  I expect to make a mint.

Kiss Me, I'm Penis

Happy Belated St. Patrick’s Day!

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