Somewhere, likely in Missouri, someone decided that Bud Light just wasn’t getting America’s college students and off-duty bus drivers drunk fast enough. Why sell it in a brown beer bottle, when it can be blue? Let’s pretend there is somehow a premium clientele for our high selling, beer-flavored enhanced water beverage. The end result, is Bud Light Platinum.
Anheuser-Busch’s newest creation boasts a 6 percent alcohol by volume, (up from 4.2%) and a special blue bottle normally reserved for over priced mineral water sold to women in funny hats at the race courses. Bud Light Platinum is even stronger than regular old Budweiser (5%.) Something tells me we’ll hear all about it during the Super Bowl broadcast which is routinely dominated by beer/soda/chip companies spending MILLIONS to tell you about new things just like Bud Light Platinum.
So, the big question here is WHY? Well, one idea is maybe this is some backward ass response to binge drinking in teenagers, where now it would take them roughly 35% less Bud Light to get them to fuck up that sorority’s common room. Now, I know Bud Light would technically be a step up from most beer you’d find at a frat party, but perhaps now that there’s a higher alcohol alternative, it would be a little easier to get Sigma house to chip in. The rising craft beer market could be another reason. As more and more people realize THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO DRINK THIS SHIT AND HAVE SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS, the barely-there flavor Bud Light is offering consumers doesn’t really stand up.
This is not to say that Bud Light Platinum tastes any different than regular Bud Light. Oh no, they are identical. Maybe a little more alcohol warmth, but when you have to drink a beer as cold as possible to enjoy it, the difference is negligible. I am recommending you try this beer, if for no other reason than to say you did. If nothing else, it’s a pretty bold marketing move for Anheuser-Busch. Personally, I find the whole concept pretty funny. If I order a light beer, chances are I’ve already had a few too many of the stronger ones, and don’t want to embarrass myself. Maybe they should re-brand it as “Mistake Fuel.” In all honesty, I think it’s going to make a lot of money, and it won’t be long until you see versions of Coors Light and Miller Lite in the same idea. $100 says Miller Lite just goes ahead and quadruple hops for the occasion. That’s all from me, as always imbibe responsibly. Cheers, everyone.
the self-hating hipster 
Hahaha, you beat me to it! I was going to do an article on this tonight. Well done!
brooooo r u 4 realsies? im so hitting up my bevy soooon, for real! getn krunkddd tonight son, on that platinum shit!!
I love that this is tagged with both “quadruple hops” and “sorority.”