The Black-out Beast

2 Oct

Some months ago, my friend Snacky and I moved into a new apartment downtown in Albany’s Mansion District. Immediately, we discovered that it was only a 4-minute walk to Hill St. Cafe. It is my favorite bookend bar: beginning and ending nights. This post concerns ending nights…

With very few exceptions, like private parties or sporting events, the clientele is largely locals and you’ll see the same faces over and over again. There is one face…one blimpy, pock-marked face that turns up after 3am. And watch out, because she prays on guys who have had too much to drink!

The Black-out Beast.

Snacky and I have decided to refer to her in mixed company as “BoB.”

She’s about 5’6″, 220 lbs. and absolutely poured into her unflattering dresses, most of which look like you could have a family picnic on. She’s the type of girl that no amount of alcohol could make her bangable. This creature will drag men who cannot talk, let alone walk, back to her slampig cave and, oh god, I just swallowed bile. Some of the men I never see again and so it’s possible that she has devoured some of her victims.

I’ve found that the best defense tactic is to drink in the buddy system. I’m also pretty sure that she can’t see if you’re not moving.