Catgentlemen, Memes and Powee the Frumpy Cat

29 May

Everyone knows at least one Cat Lady.  You know the type: totally obsessed with their feline companion(s), constantly showing pictures of their cat(s) to strangers, 10+ nicknames for their pet, fleeces covered in dander, bedrooms that smell like urine, shredded furniture, serious trouble getting dates regardless of their physical appearance, etc…  Though much more rare, a male equivalent to Cat Ladies, Catgentlemen, do exist.  I happen to be a Catgentleman.

I have one cat.  Her name is Powee.  She is an adopted, spoiled, bottle-fed female Tortie which I’m told is the bitchiest breed of cat on Earth.  I don’t doubt it.

Powee

Above: Powee looking like the cover of Aladdin Sane.

Despite her bitchy demeanor and a serious vindictive streak, half of the pictures on my phone are of my dear little Powee (I am her pep-pep after all).  She insists on sleeping next to me every night unless my girlfriend is up and then she pitches a meowing fit or tries to climb the walls.  Her name is short for Powee Zowee (a play on the Pavement album Wowee Zowee); she also goes by Peach, Princess Peach, Peach Pie, Power Pop, Two Face, Catty, Powee Poodle, Moon Face, Moony and most recently Frumpy Cat which I will revisit shortly.

I pull carpets of cat hair out of the lint vent in my clothes dryer.  She relieves herself in a litter box exactly 11 feet from where I lay my head to rest at night. She has destroyed my sofa, love seat, box spring, a set of sheets and at least a dozen record sleeves sharpening her claws even though she has a scratching post.  I won’t blame my lack of dates on her, though she has cat-blocked me before out of spite on otherwise promising dates.

*     *     *

I was creating memes when most people still had dial-up internet.  I called them “posters” and shared them with friends.  A recovered folder from a long-dead hard drive still houses a few of these posters, most of which are unfunny or pointlessly irreverent that they’re not worth sharing; however, I did discover a couple that I made circa 13-years-old that forecast my misconception of humor.

Meme 1

I know that face.

Meme 2

This should be on a t-shirt.

I was a veritable master of Microsoft Paint.  I continue to use that same program to make purposely awful album covers for fake bands that I create.

*     *     *

Back to Powee…  She was an adorable kitten with a very sweet disposition.  She was constantly purring, she loved to be held, she enjoyed time spent with all of her uncles.

Kitten Sleeping

Powee taking a nap.

Kitten Big Bear

Powee sippin’ on a 40 of Big Bear. (photo courtesy of bobdoes)

And then she grew up.  She became an independent woman (though I’m still very much the breadwinner) with an undeserved sense of entitlement and she also developed some very unsavory hobbies like Powee-Bombing (crapping and then dashing out of the litter box without covering it), chewing on phone chargers and video game controller wires, clawing me when I make my bed and waking me up at 4:30 a.m. to hang out.  She gained weight and has a furry little chassy that swings back and forth as she trots.  She has an almost permanent distasteful glare  which I refer to as “bitch face.”  Her discordant coloration turned more severe, especially on her face.  She grew up to be a frumpy cat with a bad attitude.

Some months ago another cat became an internet sensation with her lovably smug mug.

Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat.

Grumpy Cat’s expressions of displeasure have spurred countless memes and her viral internet celebrity has even landed her a television commercial spot. Jealousy and poverty got me to thinking “Why can’t Powee bring home a paycheck every once in a while, even if it’s just to help out with the utility bills…” Granted Powee isn’t blessed with a countenance that was genetically stunted by feline dwarfism, but she does have an impressive split right down the middle of her dome.

Then I realized that my Frumpy Cat could serve a purpose on the website.  The idea came to me when I was listening to a lackluster album a few weeks ago; I turned in my computer chair to find Powee directly to my left with a menacing scowl on her face.  I thought to myself, “Hey, she doesn’t like it either!  I wonder what snooty remarks she would be making if she could talk.”  And so now Powee will weigh in on pop culture like the little hipster cat that she is.

Powee Seriously Miffed About Peter Jackson

Powee watched all of Dead Alive, Meet the Feebles and Bad Taste with me attentively.

American Apparel Bag

Powee was frustrated when she heard that there wasn’t a onesie that fit her figure.

I suppose it’s only fitting that I have a hipster cat.  There will be more installments of Frumpy Cat to come!

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