Comic actor Fred Willard was arrested on suspicion of committing a “lewd act” at the XXX Tiki Theater in Hollywood on Wednesday night. The 72-year-old actor was detained after a routine, uniformed LAPD inspection of the theater (yes, apparently pornographic theaters are patrolled routinely).
Aside: I had no idea that XXX theaters still existed until today. My reasoning behind their extinction was simple and would have easily solved Mr. Willard’s problem: the Internet. Commit lewd acts in the comfort of your own home! Save lewd acts in public for other geriatric exhibitionists that aren’t pseudo-celebrities. If Mr. Willard has a dial-up connection, I propose that this website start raising money to fund a year’s subscription to high-speed service.
Willard has been a frequent collaborator with mockumentary actor/director Christopher Guest. His more recent activity includes Anchorman, Wall-E and the Tim and Eric Show Awesome Show Great Job! Willard’s attorney claimed yesterday that he believes that his client has “done nothing wrong.” He paid to see a pornographic film and they stream for free on the internet; if anything he was fiscally irresponsible.
It certainly sounds a lot like the 1991 arrest of actor Paul Reubens (Pee-wee Herman) for indecent exposure in Sarasota, Florida. In this case, a lewd act and indecent exposure may be six of one, half-a-dozen of another. Or perhaps Willard was just heavy petting his trousers? One can only hope for Willard’s sake that his career isn’t black-balled the way that Reubens’ was. He’s already reportedly been fired by PBS. Who knows? Some retirement-age men may instead be impressed at the elder man’s libido.
There are a few morals to this story:
1) Avoid XXX theaters, especially if you’re a celebrity.
2) If you pop a chub a in public, hide your shame, don’t take advantage of it.
3) Fast-speed internet is a must for modern “libido management.”